I have a confession. When I married my husband I did so with the relief of knowing that should I conceive it would be within the covenant of marriage and the security of not having to go through “baby daddy” drama. (sorry ladies, I mean no offense) But when my husband’s company was sold I got a taste of what it meant to be a single mother. Now I know the difference between a single mom and a married woman with children but I can honestly say that for the first 5 months of Noah’s life my husband was absent and all responsibility, excluding financial, fell on me like a ton of bricks.
I’ll be the first to say that there is no one on this planet more proud of my husband than I am. He is a man of integrity, full of generosity and he loves like there’s no tomorrow. When our lives were hit with such a drastic blow we both, like champs, mustered up a supernatural kind of strength, went into our individual corners and refused to be knocked down. It reaffirmed what our marriage was based on, we put each other first.
Being a new mom, scared and overwhelmed, it wasn’t enough to be all alone in a whole other state without my blood family but on top of that my husband was absent and so I felt a new kind of loneliness. Granted, I did have the best sister in law and best friend in the world who supported me from the day I told them of Noah’s arrival and for that I’m forever in their debt. It was the days that ran into nights and the nights that only promised more days of the same. With postpartum depression at my heels I could only keep moving for Noah’s sake.
My husband would lie and say he’d be home around 7’oclock but arrive at 11’oclock when Noah would then choose to wake up and stay up until about 6’oclock in the morning. Now, I know that this may seem like such a small lie, such a little white thing but under exhaustion and panic and being alone all day 7’oclock seemed like the rescue of a life time that never came. My husband would walk in and take the baby so I could shower or finish dinner or pump for Noah’s next feeding but all of that went away and I truly learned how to juggle it all.
My husband cheated me not just out of little respites of time to collect myself but also of the dream and the security of knowing that in marriage I wouldn’t have to feel alone with a baby. I know he didn’t mean it, that sounds like the most cliché excuse, to be honest he did it on purpose. He cheated me on purpose and ironically I’m thankful for it. Although I can never get those 5 months back my husband’s sacrifice afforded a house to shelter my baby, electricity to pump and store his food, and water to wash away the panic of the day. So my husband was there just in object form, I was surrounded by things that he had sacrificed himself to give me, to provide for me and Noah. I was comforted knowing that my marriage was thriving in its first test, even during and after that earthquake that shook our foundation we stood strong knowing that through this period of absence we endured it all for the promise of being together again. And when it was over my eyes were open to truly see that my lying cheating husband was the best husband I could’ve hoped for.