Nearly all of us have heard about abusive relationships. Some of us who are less fortunate might even have lived through a few ourselves. But the hard and cruel fact of life is that abusive relationships are a reality that we cannot wish away. No matter how bold the measures adopted by the state functionaries might be or how compelling the advertising campaigns centered on abusive relationships may be, they are not something that is likely to go away or even be wished away. They are an ugly reality that takes a toll not just on the perpetrator and the victim, but also everyone else who happens to be a part of the equation.
A recent study by the department dealing with juvenile delinquency found that nearly 80% of teenage offenders came from families where abusive relationships were common. Imagine that! Eighty percent is not an errant statistic. It is practically the whole group. If one were to use this study, it would be really easy to conclude that everyone, or rather every child who has been in a household with abusive relationships, is sure to become a juvenile delinquent! Worrying as this sounds, what makes it really scary is the fact that it is the truth. And frankly, nothing much is being done to change the situation.
Why exactly do abusive relationships take root? And how can they be rooted out? In order to answer these questions, it is necessary to understand the nature of abusive relationships in the first place. Not all abusive relationships begin because the perpetrators are evil, wicked people who want to hurt others. In fact, the opposite may very well be true. Most abusers in abusive relationships are people who themselves have some sort of deficiency, which they try to equalize or even out through the use of force to dominate others. As is usually the case, this kind of force tends to harm others more than it heals them. Which is what leads to abusive relationships.
Psychologists and mental health professionals have studied abusive relationships for a very long time. And without exception, they have all found one common thread that runs through. Most abusers are otherwise charming people who often carry the burden of their deviant behavior with them in the form of lifelong guilt. And the reasons they indulge in abuse is because they don’t know how to deal with this guilt. Each episode of abuse is followed by an episode of genuine remorse which is then evened out by another episode of abuse. In a manner of speaking, it is a vicious cycle that they find themselves in and one for which they need help in order to overcome.